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Santa Telephoned Me – Vibert Parvatan

At this time of the year, the season of CHRISTMAS, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a telephone call from the North Pole. The person on the line was easy to recognize. I heard, Ho Ho Ho! After a pause he said to me, this is Santa Claus and enquired of my welfare and Guyana. I thanked him for calling and demonstrating his continued interest in my country and I also enquired how he was keeping.

After a subdued Ho Ho Ho, he told me in confidence that there were several environmental factors of great concern to him. These included:

Global warming which, if not corrected, will totally change the way he lives, and affect all of the Reindeer.

His other concern was that of the downturn in the global economy leading to recession, depression, unemployment and more children falling into the category of being very poor.

Obviously, the mobilization of funds and gifts may be somewhat impaired at this time.

I indicated to Santa that as God loving and God fearing people, we will continue to turn to God Almighty and pray for the peace of the world and the prosperity and happiness of men, women and children.

In spite of that, the tradition of children asking Santa for gifts will continue and Santa must continue to accept that responsibility and touch the lives of so many children who enjoy the mystique of what Santa symbolizes.

I discovered that Santa Claus has a fantastic memory, who recalled that decades ago as a boy, my request for gifts included tops, ludo games and cap guns which made a loud noise – bang!

I hastened to tell Santa that things have changed so much in our world and in Guyana that no consideration must be given to any gun whatsoever or any toy which can be seen in its real form as a weapon. He understood.

He lamented that the crime rate in the world where guns on the streets, in offices, and in the war zones are destroying mankind.

In relation to Guyana, he invited my suggestions as to what gifts he may present not only to children but possibly others who influence and impact on the lives of Guyanese.

I made some quick suggestions which include:

Changing the name of GPL to PEA (Providing Electricity Always)
Changing the name of GWI to WSA (Water Supply Assured)
I requested comprehensive economic plans which would review all Taxes, reduce the cost of living and the cost of dying
I asked for a healthy neighbour-friendly garbage disposal site where the flies and stench to the detriment of people can be removed
Santa frowned when I told him of the many persons whose lives are brutally brought to an end in crimes and those who are the victims of traffic accidents. I observed that many new laws are enacted but the under-manned, under-equipped law enforcement agencies cannot enforce the laws.

Santa said he would think of it but reminded me these were hard times when getting funds is a Herculean task.

In relation to barrels with goodies coming to Guyana and money remittances from North America, I explained to Santa plans to keep goodwill in the hearts of the North American people who are themselves finding things tough.

I was pleased to tell Santa that the request for another Radio Station in Guyana which he was told of in previous years, is now being considered. So, things are happening.

Santa asked whether during the Christmas season families take floral tributes to the graveside of their loved ones. I told him yes, but hastily pointed out that he must give a plan and organize the means for the Mayor and City Council to provide access, as the harsh reality is that the burial ground is an unsafe jungle. The cemetery is dangerous to traverse.

At this stage, Santa sounded a bit impatient and I had not the opportunity to tell him of:

The noise nuisance;
The need for Zoning in the City;
The persons of unsound mind on our streets;
The needs of persons in homes for the elderly and that of the orphans;
The number of persons who are acting in senior positions indefinitely – and this has nothing to do with making a film;
The allegations of duress during interrogation; and The long delay in having matters resolved whether criminal or civil, in our Courts.
Before Santa ended the conversation, he was telling me that he look forward to being in Guyana.

I thanked him on behalf of all the children and wished him a happy stay and suggested that he stays longer than planned to be acclimatized to high temperatures he will be eventually having at the North Pole.

I told Santa that whatever happens, Guyanese will have, as usual, a Happy Christmas.

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